This spoken word poetry was written during my first year of University. The video was done by yours truly and that particiular filter was chosen because I have come to the realization my struggle is a Spiritual warfare and that in spiritual warfare, we wrestle with principalities and powers, rulers of darkness in high places. It is also to depict the darkness behind lust and pornography addiction. A darkness that needs to be penetrated with light.
It fits into my cannon of work because most of my pieces address the struggles that Christians especially young adults go through. The light is needed if we are going to overcome our battles. Exposure brings about healing.
Someone once told me that the greatest temptations arise when you are lonely, hungry, angry and tired. I can tell you about the lonely part. There were days when I felt like I needed the love of someone else to make me feel special or wanted or even needed. I was at a point in my life where dating sites became my best friend. I felt like a puppet on a string as my body was going against my will. I desperately needed to encounter the love of God and as I prayed each morning and each night, I asked that I would grow to love myself not seeking validation from someone else. It was hard. No. It was very hard.
Ephesians 6 vs 10 to 12 is a representation of this spoken word. There were many days that I found myself falling. I was giving in to sin's pleasure when I needed to be strong, when I needed to depend on the power of the Holy Spirit to withstand the temptations that came my way. I wasn't wearing the full armour of God. My mind was always under attack with lustful thoughts. I was simply a mess; I was a sheep crying out for help.
There is always a war going on in our members. Daily we are fighting and truly we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers, against rulers of darkness in high places. I was wrestling against demonic forces that tormented my mind and perverted my image of sex. I had to learn that the spiritual armour is important. It proves that our warfare weapons are not carnal but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds. Being equipped is how we will survive our spiritual battles. This is a faith fight and I am determined to fight the good fight of faith. Our redemption walk is a constant battle but God has given us the power and tools to overcome.
This performance video was created by Ashley Bernard, writer and performer of the piece.
I am currently doing live performances by invitation.
Currently, I am open to live performances.
It all started when I was in High School,
So young and naive, I never thought of following the rules.
I gave into the lies and schemes of "I love..." Neglecting the one true love that was sent from above.
I was led down a path where I was guided by my own misconception,
That submitting to a man was the right solution.
My purity became tarnished as my eyes feasted upon pornography,
Romantic books and love songs became my delicacy.
I was sucked in by Satan's lies,
I was trapped in the murky depths of sin.
The roots of lustfulness were planted and as it was watered sexual immorality stepped in.
So my mind tangled up in sin,
Torn apart by desires of the flesh from within.
Held captive like a slave by sins of the past, loose the chains,
break away, step into your destiny
Self check, take a step into reality.
Lusting on pornography,
my addiction brought confusion, depression,
separation from the Word, the truth
that is life.
My silence became my medication
Confession was never my solution.
Each night I sank deeper into immorality without caution,
2 minutes of pleasure turned into 5 and the next thing I knew I was way out of line.
Powerless, ashamed, needed rescuing,
so now I am just soul searching.
My mind is a battlefield.
I wrestle with thoughts of inadequacy, suicidal tendencies, low self esteem
It was never a matter of transparency.
You see my smile but you don't know about my struggles...the battle between my flesh and my spirit.
Paul was right after all, I'm struggling to do what is right but without a fight I found it easy to succumb to things I should have turned a blind eye.
For years I was suffering silently
Relentlessly, I continued to hide the struggles I went through daily.
They say the church is an hospital for the broken, for the hurting
But I felt like confiding would only bring condemnation, would only bring shame
So I continued to wrestle on my own, feeling all alone, dirty, carnal and unworthy.
I was wrapped up in guilt and sin
Shackled by anger and depression,
The Word of God, His promises I would never let in.
I got tired of self pity,
I got tired of living a life marked by impurity.
Crying out but never submitting, lifting holy hands but never quitting.
I was carrying a light that was dim.
It was stifled by my continuous attitude of yielding to sin.
Submission is not an act of the flesh.
It is rooted in transformation through redemption, consuming the undiluted Word as is,
Drinking the Living water as you thirst for righteousness,
Crawling on your knees, crying out for holiness.
Broken pieces scattered on the ground
Needing the hands of the master.
Broken pieces I am willing to surrender.
On my knees I give it to you all, on my knees listening for the Master's call,
The voice that roars like a thunder, the voice that is lightning through my dark,
The voice that says "Peace be still"
Overwhelming, unmerited, undeserving love of God,
It tugs at my heart.
My brain cannot adequately formulate a thought,
A thought to describe the wonders of your hands,
the anointing that you have graciously poured out upon this land.
Songs of Intercession
Sounds of worship and exaltation
Basking in the presence of the Holy Spirit
Wrapped in His glorious presence
What a captivating effervescence.
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