This artwork was created during the lockdown in 2020. I had been dealing with depression, going through a recovery program, working through physical and emotional abuse from my past and I had just really become a Christian. I was living in a studio apartment with my dog and was really struggling. One day, I took my dog for a walk and something finally clicked for me. God is the most creative being in the whole world. I had spent a lot of my young adult life running from Him. I tried to use art to give me some sort of spiritual experience. I wanted art to help define me as a person. But, once I realized that God is the creator and that he loves me and created me and made me creative, inspiration finally started flowing. I started with a black canvas and read somewhere that the Holy Spirit moved like a whisper on the water and I couldn't get that poetic phrase out of my head. So I made a giant blue line on a black canvas. I looked at that for about 2 weeks before I put anything else on it. From there, I started to add different colored sections. Some colors were splattered on there. Some colors were gently placed. Then, I decided to paint a flower. I had done some research about the Dahlia flower and found out that it symbolizes inner strength and positive change. During this time I was going through some really hard changes and positivity was hard to find. The realization of the physical and mental abuse I had been through was weighing on me. Suicidal thoughts started to creep in and all I could do was just read bible verses to get these thoughts out of my head and do something to distract myself. So, I started to paint. When I started to paint this painting, I remember reading so many verses that kept directing me to positive growth and being held and taken care of. Verses like Psalm 91 and Romans 5:3-5. So with all those thoughts in my head, I started painting flowers on the canvas. From there I created roots for the flowers. I started dreaming and imagining each flower that God created and how He created me. The painting grew. Until finally, I stopped, looked at this thing I made, and cried. This painting is a representation of my life so far. How God was there at the beginning. How I tried to make my own way and with that came pain and darkness. It's about the unfairness of life. The bad things that happen to us all and how God can make something beautiful from it. God's goodness and grace is the only thing that kept me going during that time and His love is the only reason I was able to make this. He pulled me out of my darkness. He planted me. He gave me roots and continued to create my story from even the mess that I made and the mess that was done to me. This mess has and is becoming a message about His love. And it is all just beginning.
As I read through this passage, I am in ah again. This painting is a physical representation of how I learned to put on the armor of God through an intense spiritual battle.
This painting is a representation of God's strength and my weakness. His strength created beauty while there was so much darkness. I knew during that time that those suicidal thoughts were not from God and they were not from me. It felt like a different voice in my head that wasn't even mine. Being put through an intense battle for my mind and heart made me have to lean on God because I had nothing else left in me. I had to have faith to believe God is who he says he is. The sword of the Spirit was the Holy Spirit moving in my heart and leading me. He was on the painting from the beginning. At that time, I had sticky notes with bible verses written all over my tiny apartment. I would wake up and just stare at them and repeat them over and over again when dark thoughts began to creep in. They filled my mind and my heart. They prepared me and gave me something to combat the dark thoughts. And long sleepless nights taught me to pray. This time period was intense but it created so much beauty in me and in my painting. I am so thankful. I feel like God gave me a gift that is this painting. When I look at it I am always reminded of that time period. When I show it to people, I have a story to tell about God and the mystery that is his love for us. Creating this painting gave me a chance to be bold about my faith and to explain how God has been in my life and has taken me out of such darkness. And what's amazing is that, even as he was taking me out of it, he was creating beauty in all of it! This time period gives me so much hope in God and I want to share it with everyone.
Watermark Church - Regeneration
Not for sale.
I sell other works. I have an Instagram where I post my different artworks and have done a few submissions for people. My Instagram handle is: madhelenart
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